I wrote this GO FUND ME post this morning. I sent it to my best friend and writing partner. The feedback I got in return (which is below the post in copied and pasted email form) is beautiful, heartfelt, and eye-opening and can be applied to many women out there in a similar situation. As much as I’m struggling right now, I have so many things I’m thankful for, one of which is a few fantastic people in my life. I wouldn’t survive without them. They’re few and they’re proud (like the Marines) and they’re priceless.
My GO FUND ME piece:
I’m seriously considering making a GO FUND ME campaign. I will call it “Amanda Greenberg From yesthisreallydidhappen Comes Out of the Closet Separated and Broke”. That’s what I’d be doing. Sure, 2 million people know my story and some even my real name thanks to the stellar detective work that a forum member did with “Yes. This Really Did Happen”. But if I do make a go fund me campaign, my story would be revealed to the few people left in my circle, and Ricky Bobby’s, who are not privy to it.
In whiff of death, I made quick mention that I am currently receiving no alimony. I am, literally, on welfare. I was told, before making the decision to leave, that in a divorce, a wife’s, especially a housewife’s, quality of life decreases dramatically but the husband’s quality of life often goes up. I didn’t believe it…until now. I never dreamt I’d be in this place, not in a million years. I, within 18 months of leaving Ricky Bobby, went from wealth to rags.
Thirty days away from being homeless, I’m at a loss. I won’t actually be living under a bridge in a box downtown with my dog because for one, I have wonderful friends who’ve offered spare rooms and, two, I lost my beloved dog on September 1 as I wrote in the post STAR BLACK.
So I’m grasping for ideas, and gasping for breath, trying to figure it all out…and survive. I work as many days a week as I possibly can while looking for a “real” job and, at the same time, trying to make it to the courthouse to file motions and petitions trying to figure out what Ricky Bobby is doing and trying to get the money promised, and owed, to me. I was a housewife for 21 years, completely dependent on him. Alimony exists for wives like me.
The courts take a long time. Finding 4 hours from your busy days to go there to file the motions and papers while you’re trying to work at the same time for an amount of money that doesn’t come close to covering your expenses is no easy feat.
Go Fund Me is an interesting idea. But if I do it, Ricky Bobby, and our hideous, salacious, almost to the point of unbelievable story, will be exposed to everyone that knows us. Am I trying to protect Ricky Bobby? If so, why? The man cheated, and to add, with a heinous blackmailing sexual sociopath. Not only did he do that, he has not given me a dime of the amount promised, that I received religiously for 18 months after leaving him, for 8 weeks. Am I protecting him or am I protecting myself if I choose not make a go fund me campaign? I’m unsure. I don’t have much to lose. Is it my dignity? His dignity? Why would I care about his? Our children’s? But what’s worse–an essentially homeless, broke-ass mother trying to exhaust the very few resources she has left or the exposure of their parent’s true story?
I’m aware that none of my new story is novel to women who’ve left their husbands, or to women whose husbands left them. The only thing “interesting” about my story is Ricky Bobby’s entanglement with a blackmailing sexual sociopath which led me to where I am now, where which many women have been and now are.
My beautiful, wise friend’s response and partial original email copied and pasted:
Re: is it at all possible to give this some humor? i claim to be a comedian, but nothing comes out funny
To: xxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxx
I think you need to be your own Go Fund Me. So I say to you: Go fund you!
People piece together a living every day. it’s not always fun, but eventually you get the skill-set and experience you need to get ahead. Get started. Get creative. I know you are trying. I’m proud of you. Keep going. I personally have too much pride to do a Go Fund Me campaign. I would be embarrassed. But that’s just me. I am glad you are thinking outside the box. I’m just not sure this is the best idea. If you want to know about desperate: I once took my shirt off while massaging a legit client because he said he’d pay me $300 bucks to do it. So I did. The rent was due. Fuck it. I’m not a whore. I’m a business woman. I didn’t care and actually to this day I’m kinda proud of myself. I never heard from him again. He was a husband and father(have I told you this story?) I didn’t do anything sexual except show him my tits. All I’m saying is get creative, have some fun with it. Drive for Uber. Sell pharmaceuticals. Take a receptionist position. Get a
cheaper apt. Is your rent $1000/ mo?? That’s too high! When I was at the top of my game doing massage and making $50k a year I had trouble paying $1000/ mo. for my rent.
I’m not saying xxxxxxx’s not a dick. He is. I’m not saying he doesn’t owe you. He does. I’m saying if you start to think like a person who can take care of her damn self, you will begin to manifest money beyond what piddly alimony payments xxxxxxx pays or doesn’t pay. I’m saying stop thinking like you’re poor. I know you’re on welfare. That’s temporary. Start knowing that you are capable, strong, sassy, smart, educated woman who can earn money and pay her rent. You will fall in love with yourself. You will feel sooooo empowered. You will forget about xxxxxxx and his philandering, lame, lying ways. You will be high on life and independent and better for all your struggle. I promise.
On Thu, 10/15/15, xxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxx wrote:
Subject: is it at all possible to give this some humor? i claim to be a comedian, but nothing comes out funny
To: “xxxxxxxxx” <xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
Date: Thursday, October 15, 2015, 10:22 AM
Go fund me
considering making a go fund me campaign. I will call
it “Amanda’s out of the
closet”. That’s what I’d be doing. Sure, 2
million people know my story and some
even my real name thanks to the stellar detective work that
a forum member did
with Yes. This Really Did Happen. But if I do make a go fund
me campaign, my
story will be revealed…